


When There is no Tomorrow

by ry_996



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Death Jokes, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Romance, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 04:51:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16866475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ry_996/pseuds/ry_996
Summary: Eichi always there to look after him. No question asked. He just there carrying casual conversation which always able to calmed ritsu down.He is annoying sometimes.And ritsu might never say it.But it means world for him.





	When There is no Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> This is supposed to be prequel of emperor's free time .. but it end up pretty far from it

Alive...  
  
What does it actually means?  
  
Breathing? Is breathing alone means that you're alive?

Your heart beating? Then what if your heart didnt beat for seconds..?  
  
Is there any purpose to be alive when you feel nothing?  
  
No.. ritsu doesn't understand it not he know the answer. This numbness in his wrist don't make him feel anything.. still the same. Nothingness..  
  
He don't quite understand where its coming. Perhaps the wasted youth he keep watching everyday eventually starts to kill himself. As much as he try to never get involved. He cant turn blind to whatever he see.  
  
Worned out faces.. lost in the foggy future.  
  
He don't even know if this school can actually bring them somewhere.  
  
A place where they learned that they already lost the hope.. that.. the hope itself was fake from the beginning. There are some student who are crazy enough still trying to seek the hope but later buried in the name of broken stars used under controls of adult. The stars name that will eventually lost its shine in the chain of rules.... and unhealthy domination.  
  
He tried... a lot of things. To pulled his brother out of this way.  
  
Nothing work  
  
Not even with him pretending to hate his brother.  
  
And things going worse...  
  
People aren't running in circles anymore when the gamble starts to happen. There is no comfort zone for anyone. Even to the genius. Its A very.. very big gamble. Started by the crazy kid which ritsu believe has nothing to lose because.. they simply taking a round way to restarts everything.  
  
Ritsu once thinks it's a big chance to actually pull his brother out of this problem.  
  
But poor little ritsu... he is too innocent to think that cruelty is something he can swallowed down easily.  
  
He strayed from the path.. betraying that person who accepted him.. Lost one of his comfort house.  
  
In the days ... where his home already starts breaking down when his coward self prefer to stay hidden instead of...... helping.  
  
  
In that big mess.. never once he thought that the comfort place he already lose.... actually strong enough to stay there. Leaving the door open only for him. Always there.. whenever ritsu need it.

 

But did ritsu really there…? For one who open that door?  
  
..  
  
  
"I won't kill myself"  
  
Eichi chuckled. He walks closer to the raven haired knight "i don't have work today. It's fine" he said and get up on the fence, next to ritsu. He stands there looking far to the ocean where ritsu was looking into. He show no fear of the heights nor the fact that wind might actually push him down “really i dont understand why you prefer looking at the ocean this way than my helicopter?”  
  
Ritsu walks down the fence and pull eichi down--with force "not funny ecchan" he said in monotone. Obviously annoyed. “besides helicopter is noisy”  
  
The blond end up giggling when he fall to ritsu's hug. He is lying everytime he said he is fine. He obviously not--he easily fall from the fence over simple pull from ritsu "I don't have fun drinking tea alone" he smiled sadly and put his hand on ritsu's shoulder. "Let's get down and warm ourself shall we?"  
  
"I will be the one brewing the tea" ritsu sighed. He let go of eichi's hand and leave the rooftop first.  
  
Again.  
  
He come.

 

Eichi always come by his side every time ritsu felt lose.. and make funny--suicide jokes like this. Only eichi won't get mad at him or laugh at him. He will just bring ritsu down and..warm him up.  
  
.  
  
"You've gotten better at drawing, i wish you actually drawing on canvas though not on the floor. Im afraid i will no longer surprised if someone died for real because of your weird habit" eichi said. His eyes is following wherever ritsu go as if he dont believe ritsu is really going to brew the tea.  
  
Ritsu gets the cakes from refrigerator and cut it. Seems like the water havent boiled yet? "I will try to? Besides no one ever comes early enough before i erase it" he look at eichi--annoyed "besides you"  
  
Eichi giggles. Holding the bear that resemble rei. One of rei's merchandise which he purchased for ritsu--stay hidden in garden terrace and eichi's personal belonging. Because ritsu don't need any obvious reason for rei to think that ritsu still loves him. "One bad habit of mine draw me in to a beautiful artist. Never a thing i would regret"  
  
"Even though i betrayed you" ritsu mumbles and out the cake on the plate  
  
"Doesn't matter"  
  
The same answer. Ritsu smiled looking at his reflection from the mirror. Behind it they hide couple picture of them. The secrets that unlikely anyone to know.  
  
Eichi.. is a strange fellow.  
  
The first time they talked. Eichi actually push ritsu to his limit that ritsu punched him--near the stage. On face.  
The next time they meet.. ritsu lied to eichi, trying to manipulate him to keep his brother away from everything  
In which he probably already know from the beginning.. yet even after ritsu betrayed him, the blond still coming to their club. The club that becomes really meaningful for both of them now.  
  
The comfort place.. that ease them from this suffocating place.  
  
Eichi.. isn't his friend.  
  
Perhaps eichi also don't think of him as friend.  
Ritsu believe that the blond don't understand right definition of that. But it doesn't matter. They enjoy each other's presence. One that actually calm another in the rough and suffocating school days.  
  
Besides.. eichi know too much of his secret. Which he never once mock.. or look down at.  
  
"You should bring me there once.. what about tonight? After practice if you still have one?" Eichi asked. Waking ritsu from his dary dream.  
  
Ritsu immediately turn off the electricity as the water already boiled enough. "To where? We can draw the chalk line in night.. security will come to us--president. Please be aware of your position"  
  
Eichi pouts "we don't talk politics here sakuma. Besides im talking about the forest. Not that dead body--chalk outline stuff"  
  
Ritsu glared at him--he soften a bit after he see eichi giggling. 'Hating rei persona' has become his face too much that he keeps responding that way even in front of eichi--well it's his fault to tease him "don't call me sakuma ecchan. Don't be annoying. I can pour this hot water all over your white skin to make it red as blood"  
  
"Is that supposed to make me tremble in fear?" Eichi asked innocently--obviously faking it. He put aside the bear and stands up "Why are you so slow on brewing the tea. Do you need help?"  
  
Ritsu shakes his head "no just stay there and put away the chess board im getting irritated everytime i see that"  
  
Must be .. that problem. Eichi smiled sadly and put it away. There are couple things they agree to not talk about here and they always appreciate it. So unless ritsu started it himself eichi won't even try to ask "ah you haven't answer about the forest"  
  
Ritsu put the cake plate on the table. The tea is still waiting there "i don't mind. Nii isnt around anyway"  
  
Eichi looks excited "then i will bring the rope. You will bring the knife?"  
  
Ritsu nods "this time. No funny things that will make any kind of blood come out okay? No nosebleed either or i will leave you alone in the forest"  
  
Eichi gives ritsu a salute then laughs "im sure im in best condition sir! The war is still far from sight"  
  
"Right right emperor shouldn't give a salute to a mere knig--pawn like me" ritsu shakes his head and finally bring the tea "don't burn your tongue ecchan"  
  
Eichi coughs as ritsu finished his warn. He literally sips down the tea right away--the warn was too late.  
  
"Seriously i'm not going to be interrogated by your dumb bodyguards for hours again ecchan" ritsu sighed and put down his cup. Helping eichi to calm himself.  
  
What a troublesome fellow he know here.

 

He never--he can never hate him. Whatever hatred words spreads on his hame.  
  
..  
  
_Its unexpected. Everything about Eichi is. Ritsu was really sure eichi will hated hi after ritsu ruined everything he planned on rei._  
  
_But eichi keeps proving him that things will not always end as expected._  
  
_It was the days after he leave the blond alone in the garden terrace. Telling his brother about every each of plan eichi planned on him._  
  
_Ritsu feel numb in his heart when he caught eichi avoiding his eyes--maybe its just his imagination because he run away first but he was so sure that it hurt him so much that it actually makes his heart felt numb._  
  
_Strange._  
  
_Only his brother ever make him feel like that._  
  
_Never once ritsu understand why thinking eichi will hate him makes him suffer this much but whatever the reason..he feels the need to ease himself so he come to school that day.. in the dawn.._  
  
_Hanging himself on the tree.. like he always do._

_._  
  
_Ritsu stopped pulling his hand from the rope and actually release himself. He use his right hand to untie himself and put back the rope in his bag as he still feel his left hand is too numb to do anything._  
  
_Morning is still far. He still have plenty time to make sure the marks disappear before anyone catch him here._  
  
_Or at least that's his plan._  
  
_"I never thought that hanging myself on tree with rope on wrist can do any benefit for me?" That elegant voice asking in innocent tone._  
  
_Ritsu hides his bag immediately "what do you want ecchan?" He hissed--actually surprised that he use that... nickname instead._  
  
_The blond smiled and come closer "i love the smell of forest in the dawn..."_  
  
_it's not actually answering the question but ritsu decide to not say any other things and starts to leave._  
  
_"Im disappointed that my tea time mate is actually not showing up for a week and has avoiding me despite everything" eichi said. Not bothering to stop ritsu from leaving "i'm kind of lonely" he smiled and look at the tree._  
  
_Ritsu stopped "i thought--"_  
  
_"The strawberry jam. I should admit yours taste better than the one imported.. I run out of that.." what a terrible liar. Ritsu knows ecchi don't really enjoy too much jam on his scones. "You know it would be great--"_  
  
_"Earl grey" ritsu cut eichi's words. He turn around to catch eichi smiling to him as the blond leaning to the tree. The blond didn't mention anything about what he did.. and literally just inviting him to their tea time again and strangely ritsu don't even think to actually.. accept it again "I don't want more of the green one--" ritsu stopped talking. He finally get a better look at the blond and realize that blood coming from his nose "wait ecchan you.." ritsu rushed to the blond's side._  
  
_"Me?" Eichi asked. The smile disappear when he see ritsu's worried face. He look at the bracelet on his right hand and thats when the blood fall to that gauge "bloody hell"--he cursed as the bracelet actually start being dumbly loud._  
  
_Ritsu needs to force eichi to get on his back and run to school while cursing a lot of stuff. Ignoring whatever the blond talking about._  
  
..  
  
"It was annoying really" ritsu sighed, he can't help but remember about that day.. eichi took him. Meanwhile eichi is having fun laughing after he the cough disappear. "I wouldn't be surprised if you die laughing ecchan. It wasn't funny"  
  
Eichi clear this throat then slap his cheeks to stop laughing "right six hours im glad you dont have claustrophobia. And you hides it from sakuma-senpai dont you...?"  
  
"Yeah he would strangle you perhaps if he knows" ritsu giggles. That day. He was brought to the tenshouin house and interrogated for six hours.. about why eichi got sick.. and the same day he learned that eichi has been coming early and staying late at school... that the emperor people talking about... actually care that much to his student. Whatever his fake reasoning is. No one actually show up and stay that long if they don't actually care.  
  
Eichi put his hand on his chin. Looking at ritsu seriously "now that you mention it i'm actually curious how it feels like. Especially by the great sakuma-senpai. It would be a honour"  
  
That persona he wear outside is the same as what ritsu wear. Hating rei. It will sound strange if other person catch this conversation. Who actually will believe that ritsu loves his brother that much and eichi is a very big admirer of him? No one outside this place will.. not even mao.. not even keito.  
  
"Too bad he isn't even around to know it" ritsu puts the monopoly board "i'm not playing alone ecchan stop being the bank"  
  
Eichi giggles "alright alright" that's the cue to stop talking about rei. "The forest.. don't forget"  
  
Ritsu nods and starts organizing the cards "very well ecchan"  
  
…

 

As strange as it could be. The existence of that club.. and eichi always make ritsu feel better. Way better. Even better than hanging himself. So he actually stopped unless it days where eichi become too busy--though eichi always make time to actually show up at garden terrace no matter what. Even when he almost collapsing.

 

But things will simply always strayed from ritsu's small circle of happiness.

 

...  
  
“so tell me. What make you feel at ease like that. Is it because you want to see the ocean but you're too short?” eichi asked and massaging his wrist. Ritsu put the coat over eichi's shoulder as the blond taking a seat on the branch and it falls right away.

 

Ritsu purposely hitting eichi's shoulder when he move to the other side to sit as well.

 

“that hurts” eichi pouts. His shoulder is still hurt after hanging himself to the tree for couple minutes. “it probably dislocated you know”

  
“as long as that gauge not hitting zero” ritsu said then casually eats the apple.

 

They went silent for a while. Only the sound of ritsu crunching down the apple can be heard.. and the sound of wave hitting the sand. “when i feel the near death situation. I feel more alive. I thought to actually slit my wrist for once but… if i'm going to stay here.. i shouldn't burden knights.. more than i already did”

 

Eichi holds ritsu's hands and looking back at the ocean “did it… helps you in a way?”

 

“i don't know… i feel better a bit. But i can't do that in summer. Wearing muffler in summer is too odd” ritsu laughed sadly.

 

Then the silence fall on them again. Eichi isn't the type who knows how to talk to people properly. He ask about this out of his personal curiosity. To understand ritsu better… to understand himself better.

 

“can you strangle me?”

 

Ritsu glared at eichi “don't be silly. Aren't you already near death everyday ecchan” he growls. Actually sounds mad. He didn't attached the rope on eichi's neck when eichi ask him to hang him on tree. Only his hand and his waist to make sure the pressure on his wrist won't be enough to give it too much trouble.

 

Eichi takes the hand he holds and put it on his neck. He close his eyes. Ritsu didn't struggle since eichi didn't push his hand hard on eichi's neck “i couldn't understand your feeling. The need to do this..you don't want to hurt me but you always make me see you get hurt”

 

Ritsu look at him and wonder where this conversation will go “you don't have to understand. It's not like i'm doing it anymore..”

 

Eichi sighed “yeah you just shifted to drawing dead body outline on the ground and standing on the fence of rooftop before school starts… but now you doing this again” he touch the ropes around ritsu's neck. He looks really sad. ”stop doing this… okay?”

 

Ritsu looks away and pulled his hand. “at least it didn't hurt my body”

 

“you know that you're not responsible of anything don't you? Stop blaming yourself over their choice? And my choice..”

 

Now ritsu know where this coming from “dont talk as if you never blame yourself on this” he said coldly.

 

“i did because i was really one who turned it like this”

 

“its wasnt you! Keichan make the script! Ousama choose it himself! People in chess are terrible person! And every idol need to perform thing live anyway. If that won't happen from you. Time will always come and haunts them!”

 

“ritsu…please...i cant always be here..”

 

“i have.. the choice.. to stop it. The misunderstanding. To help you. To stop all those mess but i was a coward! I run away! I run away and still took your comfort! I run away and still protected. I run away… too much.. from everything  from you.. ecchan. I turned my back.. on you” ritsu’s voice is getting smaller. His eyes is starts to get blurry as he look at eichi there.. “…. You're not even real..”

 

Eichi smiled to him trying to reach up to ritsu “real or not.. you can't.. blame yourself.. you promised.. that you will keep that place.. until i return--” he no longer can touch ritsu. Ritsu.. no longer can feel it..

 

“WHAT IS THE POINT OF KEEPING IT WHEN I KNOW YOU WILL NEVER COMEBACK?” ritsu throws his bag to that shadow. Eichi vanished as soon as his bag falling down. the tears streaming down ritsu's face. He shut his eyes and his ears. starts to sobbing really hard that his balance is starting to be off. It's not an easy way to overcome. It's not like he have any other things that actually able to keep him sane?

 

Who can he talk his pain to when no one aware how much he love eichi. How much the blond means for him? No one in this world will understand his pain. It's different from when rei moving on. Eichi wasn't leaving this city. He is leaving ritsu. Leaving this world… forever.

 

Ritsu lose his balance and the ropes around his neck strangles him as he hanging there. He struggles to let go of himself but he make a mistake when he tie it so he cant untie it himself. Not when. he dont have his wrist tied to keep his balance and not actually pressing too much on his neck “sorry...sorry.. im..sorry” he begs in his tears trying to keep that ropes away from his neck. He want this pain to disappear but he can't.. die.. now. Not when everyone is suffered. He can't.. hurt any other people. He must. Pretend. To be alive. For them..

 

Ritsu start to lose his conscious as he feel that his fingers are too tired to hold himself when he heard someone yelling. “oh great ritsu!” That's rei's voice. He catch ritsu's legs and push him up so there won't be pressure on his neck “here.. cut it off. The rope not your throat!” rei yelled and giving the knife. Ritsu immediately fall as he cut it down. Rei catch him fast in his arm. “good grief what are you thinking????” he said as he hug his brother tight. Really tight. His body is really cold but ritsu is breathing. His heart is beating. He's still here. “you scares me really ritsu. I don't want to lose you”

 

Ritsu just crying without saying anything. He don't even know what to feel. Relieved that he did not wasted here today? Or sad that he actually can't escape from all this loneliness? “ecchan...gone..” he can only repeats that words. Like a broken doll.

 

Is there even any point to stay alive..?

 

Why.. why did he struggle to stay alive when he wish to be free from everything?

 

When eichi is no longer around..?

 

How and where will he ease this guilt to?

 

He cant.

 

Eichi is gone.

 

He is alone.

 

Ritsu killed him.

 

“ritsu killed him nii” ritsu cries out again after he calmed down. “he saved ritsu.. he saved ritsu when ritsu fall.. from the cliff. He want to stop ritsu from doing this. He wanted to understand ritsu's feeling.. stopping ritsu without hurting ritsu with words people always said to mock ritsu! but… he.. gone? He gone saving someone who played with death like its nothing and still begging for life??” ritsu messed his hair and try to pull it out. What should he do now? What.. could he do? “he is really… gone. He.. never comeback. Not even when ritsu about to die like that?”

 

“ritsu..” rei stopped ritsu's hand from pulling his own hair. He makes his brother look at him “tenshouin-kun is alive ritsu.. he was the one who told me you're here”

 

Ritsu look at rei's eyes. Thats eyes tell no lies.

 

“his heart stopped.. but the doctor didn't give up. You misunderstand the situation and runaway without your phone. We have been searching you for days..” rei said and hug ritsu tight again. “im sorry.. i'm a terrible brother. I don't even know.. anything about this when i go around acting like i know everything.”

 

“he.. was alive..?” ritsu ask in disbelief

 

Rei nods “he is.. and begging to help find you.. he is crying when i left. The doctor need to put him back to sleep before he try to run from hospital again..” rei wipe the tears in his brother's eyes and pick him up “i will bring you to him now.. okay?”

 

Ritsu can finally breath without feeling that pain. It feels like all his burden suddenly leave his body. He felt light. Sighing in relief he look at rei weakly. “its fine nii.. thankyou....” he smiled and close his eyes “sorry..ritsu really loves him nii..” he said before the darkness took his tired soul to rest.

 

Fate might strayed and play around him. Leaving him suffering in sorrow.. alone this time.. without him who always pulled him down in warm hug. Making ritsu thinking like there is no tomorrow for him anymore.

 

But ritsu is thankful. fate let him get another choice. This time.. he will try as hard as possible that he will never lose his chance. To move out.. and stop hiding.

 

Its just.. little did he know that his involvement might actualy bringing something bigger than chaos


End file.
